Thai Lesbians and Tomboys – What’s it all about?

Last updated: January 15th, 2020 | in Thai Girls

Thai Lesbian and TomboyIt’s just Wednesday and I’ve already seen four Thai lesbian couples this week while walking around Sukhumvit Bangkok. I have been staying in Bangkok for quite some time now but I just recently started to spot more Thai lesbians than ever before. For me there is no doubt that the number of Thai Lesbians in Bangkok is on a record high. But why?

Not that I have a problem with it, there will always be more potential Thai girlfriends than I can possibly even talk to. So is it just because there are more Thai girls than Thai guys and girls find it hard to find a boyfriend? Thailand has a population of 69.1 million of which 49.1% are men and 50.9% are women. That means there are potentially 1,243,800 Thai women who are not able to find a (Thai) boyfriend.

Is this the reason? Rather not since the phenomenon with lots of Thai lesbians is quite a new one and demographic figures have been more or less stable for at least the past 20 years.

Before I let you know what I think is the reason for the record high of Thai lesbians in Bangkok, this is how they appear in the public:

The girls are holding hands (which is unusual for Thai hetero couples), they are kissing (which is absolutely unusual for Thai hetero couples), but most interesting is the phenomenon that most of the time one of the girls has short hair like a guy, dresses like a guy and is totally average looking (Thais even have a term for her, they call her Tom – ทอม, short for “Tomboy”) while her girlfriend is extremely beautiful and has long hair. Thais call her Dee – ดี้.

There are a few theories to answer the question why there are now so many Thai lesbians in Bangkok, and I have talked to several people about it and among the many explanations that are being produced this is the one I think makes most sense:

Many Thai women have made too many bad experiences with relationship with Thai guys. It’s quite common for Asian men in general and Thai men in particular to see a woman as a kind of, well, accessory, some toy to play with.

This may sound a bit hard and for sure there are exceptions, but many Thai men are not the most honest boyfriends (according to a statistic published by the Bangkok Post in January, Thai guys are the world’s most dishonest husbands), and therefore Thai women have to more or less do what they are told to by their boyfriend and not just that, it’s quite common for Thai guys to have several girlfriends at a time, or how Thai people like to call this – having giks.

So it’s not surprising that there comes a time when more and more Thai girls are just getting fed up with this submissive role in the relationship and start having a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend as they are sure to get treated a lot better and both partners are equal. Well, not quite because here is the funny thing about the whole Thai lesbian phenomenon: The girl with the short hair (Tomboy) normally doesn’t only almost look like a guy, she is also representing the male part in the relationship and that means she is paying the bills.

Thai girls being fed up with Thai guys. What we can see here in Bangkok is a sort of emancipation of women in Thailand.

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15 Responses

  • Bjarne Eriksen says:

    I stay with a dee, she just got 24 years old, white skin, northern thai chinese, 152 cm 40 kg, just like you telling, gorgeous long hair, and beautiful as a goddess, she only had 2 Tomboys before, and never had a man before me. I KNOW A VIRGIN, WHEN i MEET THEM. In Thailand you meet them.
    She take care me in bed and in my life and in my condo, better then I have experienced before or even heard about before.
    She just arrived my condo one day from dating side and never left.
    I ask her what happen, why do you stay and live and take care me, she say she love me, and will never stay with Tomboy anymore. She have never asked me for money, but I know what it is all about for every human being in this world, money of course. So, I provide, sharing condo and food with her and give her some extra.
    What she give me, it is beyond dreams, maybe because I am the first man in her life and she do not know better.
    But, after going home last time to family, she stopped in Bangkok, to learn the trade selling creams online, because she want to have a job
    when she is staying with me in future.
    Yes, if they not get the money easy, they leave or they do like this. Start to take care themselves.
    She come home from Bangkok every week take care my needs and my condo needs. Call me all the time, and I do not answer the phone all the time.
    So, what is the problem. She stay and live and share a room with another girl going the same course for learning the trade, online selling.
    So, I make all of your guys happy, telling you, maybe it is a Tomboy girl, paying and taking care her, when she try to learn a trade to be free and independent in Bangkok. I am not a jealous person, and after staying in Thailand, soon 20 years, it is crazy to be jealous in this country, which provide you with young beautiful girls, who want some small money, for the bus and so on.
    You have to think, everytime a girl leaves you, she do you a favour, giving you another girl to play with.
    I already told her, if she want to play with a Tomboy/girl I am okay, as long as it is not a man, thinking about she stay happy and free, and not with a man, giving me being afraid to get a sickness.
    The only problem is always, there can be lies, but I hope they are what they are, like Tomboys and not men. Smart girls.

    Me, I am an old man, no good, lying telling the ladies I am 55 years old, but then she found out I am 65 years old. I think she would leave me, maybe she do, but she keep coming back, ensure me she will stay with me. Maybe it is the thai culture, they do everything to stay with their first man in life as long as possible.
    You do not need to tell me, I am bad, I know I am, just understand, these thai ladies, individuelly, we never know who they are.
    What will happen in future, be like a thai, and do not think about it. Everything will happen, it is out of your control, accept it, and be for always happy, happy.
    Like I say to my friends, no need to take care your thai lady, she can take care herself, just take care yourself, you need to do it. Man is a baby in Thailand, do not even try to be a man, it is a loosing game.

    A last advice, when you are on the dating sides, never go meet the lady, tell her to come to you, it works, and you never have a problem. Why do she comes to you, figure it out yourself……..

    Viking from Norway, send his greetings and his good wishes for everyone to stay happy in Thailand.

  • Robert says:

    Yep, Toms are easy to spot. They have short hair and do look nerdy ! One big difference to western dykes is that they are slim and have beautiful skin. Even older Thai women keep their hair long.

    I have just returned from spending four weeks in Isaan, Udon Thani mostly. I met a smoking hot girl on TF and agreed to meet when I arrived in Udon. We had a great time at the Udon festival going to the concert, eating out etc. I decided to ditch the girl I was taking to Phuket and booked a flight for her. Then she told me that she had only dated Toms (she was just 20) and her roommate at technical college was her Tom. After her father died (I got proof of all her story later on) she was told by her mother that she had to get serious and meet a farang who could take care of her and her family. So we go to Phuket and she tells me on the plane she is a virgin. yeah, sure.. On the first night in the hotel she was very distant and went to bed with her dress (from her shoulders to her knees) on and started watching videos on her phone. I thought I had wasted this trip. I tried to cuddle her and she had no underwear on. I got the dress off her and it all went well but all the time she had a look of bewilderment on her face. I stopped many times and asked her if she was OK. After it was over she got up and could feel the semen running down her leg. She scooped some of it up in her fingers and then looked at it and smelt it. She just looked at me and said “what do I do ?”. I had to take her hand and walk her into the bathroom. She just stood there and I started the shower and handed it to her. She was a very confused young girl. She said her Tom would put in three fingers. She told me a few weeks after the night she had a very low sex drive and even with her Tom would not do it that often.

    We went to Bangla road two nights after our first night and my old school friend recognised a dancer who used to work at Jomtien where he now lives. My girl went straight for her and us two guys didn’t even exist. She asked me if the dancer could come back to the hotel for a three some. I said no and explained the bar fine / fees involved.

    Afterwards we went back to her mother and stayed there for about a week. I found out just before boarding the plane that her mother was furious with her for not treating me better and being more attentive. She did not know how to behave with a man and treated me like a brother.

    I think she is bi but very strongly in favor of women..

    A very unusual experience indeed.

  • simon says:

    I was out there for a couple of years. The only ‘lesbians’ that I noticed were in the 13-16 year age bracket. Probably just the usual kissing and fondling without the pregnancy risk.

  • Gay says:

    The reason you see hot Thai girls with Tom’s is because they are paying for it, or providing financial support. Also I’ve noticed Alot of Thai girls keep it a secret because it’s taboo in society, because they cannot marry. I’ve done Alot of research on this subject and I think there are tons of lesbians out there, if you see girls together then it’s a possibility, also if they turn guys down for a date or don’t have any guy friends then most likely she is a lesbian. Usually Thai girls with men are about it, you can PM me for more details, I have Alot of experience on this topic.

  • shamus says:

    Interesting… I’ve had 30+ yrs in Thailand and Redcat is exactly right! women in Thailand are fed up with Thai men and being a lesbian has become a thing. However I have had some extremely interesting things happen with this. This is one… I was frequenting a coffee shop / restaurant in Sukhumvit in 2013 and noticed a woman there every day. She was typically Thai, trying to be white, early to mid 30’s 5’2-3″ about 48-50 kg, dressed well. After about 5-6 days I asked her why she came here regularly… she replied she liked the coffee. I agreed and we hit it off… 3 hours later she sucking my cock and taking me up the arse like a pro…I was a bit surprised. This happened for a coupe of days and then she arrives at the coffee shop with another woman and introduced her as he girl friend. Stupid me thinking friend / girl not girl friend. It turns out they we lesbians and worked the local area with lady tourists but both liked a bit of cock every now and then. They said they had never done a guy together but I some how doubted that. One afternoon the second lady tried to stick a 6 inch toy up my bum… I wasnt interested and said so, although they both seemed to like it. This went on for about 3 weeks then the first one was off to Germany for a month or so… havnt seen either of them since. I spoke with them a lot and they both clearly said they would never fuck another Thai man. I also asked why me… the first lady said she liked me because I didnt look at every woman who came into the coffee shop like a slut waiting to hump me… sadly she was wrong!

  • Marine says:

    This is ridiculous, people don’t change their sexual orentation just because they get “fed up” with one gender… These girls are simply gay or bi, and you are seeing more of them out in the open because it’s becoming more accepted. The idea the girls only turn to same sex relationships because of men is so offensive and homophobic, not to mention completely false. Did you get the urge to start s*cking c*ck the last time you had a bad break up with a girl? I’m guessing not, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t what happened with these girls either. The world doesn’t revolve around men.

  • Trueblue says:

    Crappy theories. Women are just more attractive than men in any size shape and form. Saying that women are/turn into lesbians because of relationship trauma or mutated genes (seriously?!) is just an excuse for your incompetence in getting a girl. That’s why all you losers are actually in this forum for advice. Man up and suck it up guys.

    • miles says:

      This is not about getting a girl but about lesbians(stated by you “incompetence in getting a girl “) etc.. Go back to school and learn to understand what you read in your case start with the nursery class first grade and suck up the lesson

  • miles says:

    Most Tom boys and Dee I know had never a serious relationship with a boy.

    The question is how come there is such a high percentage of Lesbo’s Dee Tomboys,gay’s,Lady boys ,Bisexual etc in Thailand ?
    Could it be a mutated gene ?

  • David F. says:

    Same as Jamaica many new lesbians because of man behaving badly.

  • batiksarong says:

    Ehm… these people you discussed the theories with… none of them were Tom/Dee right?
    Could it just be that they are gay, rather than reacting to being mistreated by men? I’m not denying that Thai men often mistreat women, but it’s men’s wishful thinking that women are driven to being lesbians by men.
    Maybe the Tom/Dee find men repulsive, that’s all.

    The (much) more interesting questions is why Tom/Dee couples are being much more open than they used to- which I also have noticed, but I very much doubt it is due to increasing numbers.

  • Patrick says:

    What the hell is/are “bend people”. By the sentence that followed, I am assuming they are someone born with a physical abnormality. However, if caused by the food wouldn’t it hit both male and female at virtually the exact same percentage? Making plans to move to Thailand as I write this 11/28/2014.