What is the Difference between a Faen and a Gik?

Last updated: February 15th, 2017 | in Learn Thai | Thai Girls

You might have met Thai girls that have told you she thinks you are a butterfly and have many girls, much sex, and can’t have a serious relationship with anyone. The next thing she might be telling you is that therefore you have many Giks. Now what exactly is a Gik?

  • Gik: gík (กิ๊ก) = mistress or “fucking friend”

Generally the longer you live in Thailand the longer your list of phone numbers of fucking friends called Giks gets, means you just call them up and ask if they are free and want to hang out. Of course not only foreign guys in Thailand have Giks, it’s no different for most of Thai guys (as a result Thai men were voted the World’s Most Unfaithful Men in a January edition of the Bangkok Post). And also many Thai girls have their Giks, obviously all the hookers included. You can impress any Thai person with your Thai language skills by saying:

Kun mii gík yǝ́ (คุณมีกิ๊กเยอะ) = You have many fucking friends.

Side note: Another word for gík is chúu (ชู้) which really means like “lover” or “mistress”.

Now coming back to the question from the beginning, what is then the difference betwen a Gik and a Faen? That’s quite easy, now that you know that a Gik is your kind of fucking friend that you call up and see from time to time, the word “Feen” is the word for girlfriend or boyfriend.

  • Faen: fɛɛn (แฟน) = girlfriend, boyfriend

Interesting: The word faen comes from the English “fan”. So if you ask a girl if she has a Faen already (kun mii fɛɛn rʉ̆ʉ yang, คุณมีแฟนหรือยัง) and she says yes, better to ask what kind of “fan” – boyfriend of fiancé. Generally speaking, Faen is the term for someone you have a serious relationship with and therefore just the opposite than a Gik.

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About Redcat

Redcat

Redcat lives his dream by living and traveling in Thailand. On Thailand Redcat he shares his experiences and advice to all aspects of (night)life in Thailand. Redcat is also fluent in Thai both spoken and written and is the author of the books Thai Beginner’s Course and Thai Love Course.

11 Responses

  • Jason says:

    Fascinating subject. As a British bloke (living in Oz) I’ve been with my Thai girlfriend for 4 years now and we get to see each other maybe 4 or 5 times a year and keep in daily contact using Line. I met her on ThaiFriendly while in London and to the best of my knowledge, shes never been a bar girl or worked in the trade. Currently a logistics clerk for Shilla duty free. During my last visit to Phuket we agreed to get married in the next six months or so. Funny thing is, since we decided to become husband and wife and I returned home in the meantime, she been dropping hints that she would like me to get a ‘home mate’ to ‘take care me’. Unless I’ve gone completely mad, this says to me that she’s cool with me having a bit of casual on the side. Now this goes against everything I’ve been brought up to believe; muck around all you want when you’re single or g/f – b/f, but that stops once you decide to commit to each other.
    Having researched what I can about marriage in Thailand, its become clear that some Thai wives actually encourage their husband to have either a mia noi or a gik because they genuinely want their man to be happy especially during extended periods apart, as is the case with the long distance relationship I’m in now.
    So the question is, is a gik the current colloquial term for non-serious relationships on the side? And if my fiance does actually want me to get some, would this be a more preferable arrangement to a mia noi which as I understand involves more commitment both financially and emotionally.
    Having spent most of my adult life in committed relationships remaining true to one another, Im quite excited about the prospect of my wife actively encouraging me to get laid while we’re apart! The downside of that is of course imagining her with another bloke which doesn’t sit easy with me, but if this is the modern world and acceptable Thai behaviour to be more open sexually then I suppose I’d be stupid not to try.
    Haven’t quite summoned up the courage to ask her outright if this is what she means, mainly because I’m mindful this could just be a test to gauge my fidelity.
    Interested to hear any feedback from more knowledgeable folks on the matter.

    • Jack says:

      Jason, I’m going to try to save your life here and share my experience with you to do so. My advice is to RUN. I was in your shoes two summers ago. For six years, I’d had a Thai girlfriend I met in America, and I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. She immigrated to the U.S. in 2006 with her family, we met in 2010, we had been living together since 2011, and were engaged since 2014. She only had one previous boyfriend, seemed completely faithful, seemed to hate anything promiscuous, and seemed to love family more than anything.

      All seemed well until last August 2015, when I found out she had been having an affair. A couple of weeks later, I found on her iPad about 300 pages of love letters her affair partner had written her. The story they told was SHOCKING.

      Her affair had been going on for a year and a half. It started when she invited him to the park, where SHE ASKED HIM to be her boyfriend, but told him that “they had to keep it a secret.” She let him do everything to her… just use your imagination. After all, he thought he was her boyfriend. This led to her getting pregnant a few months into the affair. She had no problem leaving me in the dark about what was going on and having me take her to get the abortion that she insisted on, despite my weeks of pleas that she not kill my son. I could not figure out why. Well, now I know.

      Even living with her and being with her nearly all day, never once did I see even a sign. She was that good at keeping it a secret. Honestly, Jason, if you girlfriend is living long distance in Thailand and suggesting this kind of stuff, what do you think she is doing?? I cannot state enough how family-oriented and relatively innocent this girl seemed; for her do this still shocks me to this day because this is the kind of girl who would never cheat in the West. Therefore, just because your Thai girlfriend may seem to you, as a Westerner, faithful and family-oriented does not mean she is behind your back, especially when you’re living on a separate continent, as, from my experience, *most* farangs eventually discover.

      When I found out what was going on, my ex had amazingly little remorse. It was as if she just wanted me to casually forget it ever happened because, to her I suppose, it’s not that big of a deal. She was driving over to this guy’s house twice a week while I would be out meeting clients to let him fuck her for hours. Additionally, I found she had at least 3 other friends that could be termed “giks.” I never found out or even noticed anything unusual. But to her there was no need to tell me because “this was just for fun.”

      When her mother found out, she moved in with us for 3 months trying to save our relationship. “No one will love you like a Jack,” her mom would say. Eventually, she agreed to no contact with the affair partner, and her mom helped me enforce this with her physical presence and the usual incessant, incredibly loud, Thai mother lectures.

      That lasted two months until the first time she was out of my sight (I’ve go an online business and stopped taking jobs requiring me to leave). On invitation, she went to the house of her friend, a Chinese girl named Annie. There, she let her affair partner convince her to let him pick her up. Annie called me in panic immediately after “he” picked her up and told me what had happened.

      Annie said she and her mom pleaded with my ex for an hour before the affair partner arrived to not betray me like this, but they couldn’t convince her. Apparently her mom even went outside to tell him to go away and, supposedly, even slapped him and called him a homewrecker, but all to no avail. I’m still friends with them, and they still cannot understand how she could do something like this. In their culture, Annie told me, killing themselves would be preferable to engaging in this type of activity.

      I am telling you all of this, Jason, to get to this point: My ex told me straight to my face that she left because, owing to how deeply I loved her, I was hurt by what she had done. I have never cried at a funeral before, and didn’t even cry when my dad died. But I would cry nearly every day for months during this time, telling her how much I love her and pleading for her to stop talking to her affair partner. Pretty much every night I would cry myself to sleep on her back, hugging her and kissing her profusely. The reason: many times I caught her sneaking texts to him behind my back when I would go to the bathroom or go outside to get the mail.

      She had ZERO remorse and continued anyway. Her only reaction was to get mad and roll her eyes that I was upset. She could not empathize with me being hurt by her actions. Why? Well, she certainly never seemed like that slutty kind of girl. She seemed for six years like a perfectly innocent, loving, and faithful girl. But in the end, this girl knew that what she was doing was wrong on a satanic level, but had zero remorse in leaving me simply because I actually loved her and, therefore, did not take it well when I knew her affair was still going on via text.

      Why did she have no remorse? This is the key: because something taught her that she wasn’t doing anything terribly wrong, and perhaps even that it’s good to have a little “fun” on the side. She didn’t learn this from her mom, who went to an all-girls school, entered an arranged marriage at 14, and took care of the family farm her whole life. She learned this from her friends, media, etc. For example, I now know she had two lesbian lovers, each for years, when she was little; she never told me about this until the very end. But, at the same time, she has to save face, so she was essentially raised to have these strong lustful passions but to hide them from family, including anyone who might come in contact with her family.

      My conclusion is that “modern” Thai culture, more than literally any other “modern” culture in the world, teaches girls to be inherently unfaithful in marriage. However, this contradicts with the “traditional” culture of many of their parents, who they worship, and to rectify this contradiction, Thai girls get really good at hiding their unusually strong lasciviousness from loved ones. Now, there are some “good” Thai girls, but they are a rare minority; these are the girls who not only come from a “traditional” background but, most importantly, ALSO have not been corrupted by the “modern” culture. So, unless coming from a traditional background and having lived under a rock, nearly all of the seemingly “good” girls who accept the modern culture are “good” only to save face with their families and friends, and that later extends to boyfriends/husbands. Inside, they have been raised to be incredibly promiscuous when they think nobody is looking, and this is why so many of them engage in activities us Westerners find shocking, though understandably enjoyable as tourists. I’m not generalizing: this is inherent with the culture.

      Just look at what this article presupposes: a culture where “pua/mia noi” has become a norm and “giks” can be found unusually easily. This is learned through culture. I’ve been in Thailand since we “officially” broke up in December 2015, and I have already seen and heard of so many stories of expats killing themselves after their wives cheated on them and ran off with everything. Thai girls are, after all, incredibly seductive and appear to be incredibly loving, so us Westerners tend to get played like harps. If your prospective wife is telling you to go ahead and find some giks, she bears the hallmarks of strong exposure to the duplicit “modern” culture that, I will admit to you ashamedly, nearly led me to kill myself.

      There’s another lesson to learn here, Jason. My girlfriend stayed with her affair partner for ONE week before leaving and moving in with her parents. Until three months ago when she started with some guy I don’t know, she’s just been “single,” which basically means she just fucks around with her giks and I’m sure others. I’ve read all the messages and letters and know everything. I’ll tell you that she had her affair partner convinced that they were “dating” and that she was going to leave me as soon as they were ready to get married. He was saving up to buy a ring. But she had no intention of marrying him. The chump wasted nearly two years of his life in what must have been an incredibly hurtful and stressful relationship for nothing.

      Jason, I think she’s leading you in the same was she led me on, in the same way she led her affair partner on, and in the same way a ton of men I meet here in Thailand tell me their girlfriends/wives led them on. I’ve been to about 20 countries, and I’ve never heard of this kind of thing either in the U.S. or in other nations, but it’s everywhere here. I’m sure you’ve read all the horror stories. Thailand is unusually different in this way in terms of divorce and cheating, especially for farangs.

      I’m sure you think you found the perfect catch; after all, they are out there. What I’m saying, though, is that the ones who are sustainably marriageable are the ones who have not been infected with the “modern” Thai culture of promiscuity and duplicit secrecy. By what your girlfriend is telling you, she has internalized this way of living thoroughly. Therefore, let me be candid with you: if you marry this woman, I promise you that your marriage will end disastrously.

      • Jason says:

        Gotta hand it to you Jack, sounds like you’ve had a real rough ride there. Thanks for sharing that mate; actually makes a lot of sense and sounds like you really did get properly railed by your girl. Hearts out to you man.
        Funny thing is, I was sure I had found the perfect catch right up to the point where I asked her to marry me. Since then, something I cant quite put my finger on hasn’t been right and my gut feelings have been in turmoil. I swear I saw her in my minds’ eye, enjoying another dick. Sent me cold to the core and now I see red flags sometimes when we talk. Trying to shrug it off as paranoia but holy crap what you said about the total lack of remorse is uncanny. Almost as if laughing and joking about having an affair like it’s perfectly acceptable. She didn’t display any of these traits or even drink alcohol until she moved to Phuket and started hanging out with her work friends at Patong. Now I’ve read your story I’m beginning to suspect the duplicity and secrecy you mention is far more than just an unpleasant thought, but is actual fact and completely brought about by her friends leading her astray. Fuck it man I’ve already had a gutfull of a cheating wife that took me once before; I don’t need it again. She swears blind there’s nothing going on ‘at home’ and I haven’t begged or cried or pleaded with her to remain faithful; she doesn’t even know I’m worried. I sent her an email saying its ok if we need to see other people while we’re apart but she didn’t respond. I have had a little blub to myself about the fear of losing her; but there’s the paradox…I don’t think she does want to leave me; I think she enjoys the security of knowing she’ll be married again (therefore avoiding the stigma of being a 50 yr old divorcee) but can also enjoy a good fucking I can’t give her from 8000 kms away.
        Jeez man i don’t know what to do. I’m 100% sure she’s as good as gold when I’m there and I don’t think she’d be that stupid to carry on with another guy when we’re together but fuck knows what happens when I’m gone. I don’t want to think about it. Thought about hiring a PI to get a report on her but 100,000 baht is wayyyy too rich for me. You’re not in Phuket are ya Jack?? Haha just kidding. The really annoying thing is, I didn’t give a shit what she did while we were apart when we were b/f – g/f but now I actually let my heart open and decide to fully love my wife-to-be I’m fucking hurting like a schoolboy.
        Turn a blind eye and fuck a local. That seems to be the general consensus of opinion. If she’s still there when I get back to Phuket in 4 months time then all well and good. And if she ain’t; well, there’s many more to choose from, but that’s not such an easy or appealing prospect when I’m 49 yrs old and basically ready to settle down.
        You never did mention if you found another woman to fill the void mate.

      • Glenn says:

        So you had 1 bad experience and now it’s blaming Thai culture. Well to tell you cheating happens every where….

  • Stuart says:

    I might be the exception here! I have had eleven wonderful years of marriage to my Thai wife, but a couple of years began to suspect she had regained contact with an ex Thai boyfriend. I assured her it was ok and sure enough she confessed she had an ex that she still liked. Within months they were having wild sex again and she is open with me about it. I actually really enjoy that she does!

  • james says:

    on a recent trip to bkk i found out my thai wife of 2 years has a canadian (gik or faen!) he just happens to be my wifes best friend(thai) of 7 years!!! and my so called friend in bkk. he lives and works there with his wife and my wife lives nearby.she has done it for purely fiscal gain(he offered her a better deal!) what is the probable outcome for me? regards!

  • kenny says:

    Dear Stephan,
    How do i open mouth and ask the thai girl i love (which been with me for a few months) if she treats me as a feen or a gik?
    Her attitude suddenly turns all cold towards me for few weeks till now

    • Redcat says:

      Just be straight and ask her mate. Make sure you mention the words faen and gik so she knows what you are talking about.

    • Jerkso says:

      Dude just drop it on her, chances are it something you done that made her act cold….. she might even be pissed at you about it still. Whatever just be straight up, worse that can happen is she breaks your heart, but at least you’ll know.

      Good luck

  • Jack says:

    Can you explain the appropriate context for ‘gik’ usage?

    Is it vulgar, or affectionate, or just factual? Only used between guys? Or what?

    I’ve only been to Thailand once on holiday for a week, but I can see how that list of contacts can grow nightly. Should, no, *when* I return, I’d like to be able negotiate gik-style relationships early on so no one is mislead. I’m looking to negotiate temporary open ongoing relationships, not a one-night stand, not a faen, not prostitution, and certainly not being a sponsor (ongoing financial support). So a gik-style relationship seems perfect. Can I ask a girl if she wants to be my gik (after a night or two)? Or will that result in angry Thai girl? It helps to label relationships with Western girls early on, but perhaps it’s different in Thailand?

    • Redcat says:

      Hi Jack, Gik is not a vulgar word everyone uses it. You normally don’t ask a Thai girl to become your Gik, it’s just as it happens when you meet each other every once in a while. Thai girls are too shy to admit having Giks so no need to ask her. Also, having a Gik is nothing “official” so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want that fucking relationship with you anymore after a couple of weeks for whatever reason. Maybe she expected more than a Gik kind of relationship, found a boyfriend or just gets bored. Broad topic so there is not one answer to this. Just experience it by yourself :)


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